Dress to the Occasion or Does Anyone Dress Up These Days?

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Since when did folks begin resisting dressing up for events? Some might say Covid had something to do with it. It is definitely something I have noticed especially post Pandemic.

I am of a certain age and era; child of the Great Migration from the South to California in the 1950s. My parents were born and raised in the south and with that came a certain way of being and doing.

One of those ways is appearance, how one presents in the world. I can remember at a young age, maybe six or seven years old when our family would go to Downtown Oakland. It was not a just get into the car and riding downtown. We had to be presentable. That could involve a quick bath, legs and arms were shiny from Vaseline, clean socks and putting on school clothes. That meant dresses for my sister and I and a shirt and ironed pants for my brother.

The Downtown Oakland of 2025 is not the Downtown of the 1960s- 1980s. Then it was a vibrant area akin to Downtown San Francisco….. well, the Downtown San Francisco pre-Covid. But Downtown Oakland, back in the day stood with the best of them. Along with City and County buildings were department stores such as Emporium-Capwell’s and Liberty House-Rhodes on Broadway. There was Newberry’s, a huge variety store, what we called the Five and Dime, which carried just about everything. Fabrics, toys, household goods and so much more. Of course there was the lunch counter with soups, sandwiches, and ice cream sundaes. Sears was up Telegraph. There was a myriad of boutiques; Joseph Magnin and I. Magnin which both carried quality clothing for women.

And then there was Swans and Housewives Market where many Black folks gathered. A great many of them were southern-born Great Migration folks who were in Housewives getting groceries for Sunday dinner. There was pigs feet, roasting hens, collard greens and lots of penny candy. It was a meeting place of sorts where you might see people from church, school or the neighborhood. And these folks were mindful of how their children looked. Of course, this mindset stemmed from perceptions of what “white folk’ though about Black people. But if we were properly dressed, the less they would view us so badly. So, that was that. You just didn’t go out of the house looking any kind of way.

One of my favorite past time still is looking through family albums and vintage photographs of Black people dating back to the 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. Our people certainly knew how to dress. It goes without saying that on Sunday mornings whether it was the Baptist, Methodist, Sanctified or Catholic, Black folks wore their Sunday best. Some churches were known for women wearing big, fancy hats and the finest clothing and men were dapper in their suits.

My mother, Vivian Rowland Jones, a properly raised southern woman was an example of “dressing to the occasion.” She was not outlandish or loud or overly extravagant, but elegant, sophisticated, and suitable for the occasion. We learned, as did my peer to dress to the occasion. One has certain clothes for school, work, church, going out in the evenings, parties, and so on.

Then came Covid and we were not going to any of those places. My wardrobe consisted of jeans, and sweats and cottonwear during summer months. When we slowly came out of the Pandemic, it took a while to let go of those “uniforms,” but eventually as things opened up and we started going to luncheons and weddings, we were happy to be able to dress up along with being able to get our hair and nails done. Just before we shut down, I had purchased outfits for a benefit, a wedding, and other occasions. Those outfits were taking up space in my closet just waiting for the proper time. I heard the same thing from others.

I went to my pastor’s son’s wedding in summer of 2022. Both the ceremony and reception were held at a restaurant in Fremont, in southern Alameda County. It was a genuinely nice service with a combination of African American and Tongan traditions. The attire ranged from church clothes, to After Five to Tongan dress outfits. During the reception I looked out on the dance floor, and I saw two woman who appeared to be in their late 30s, early 40s having a good time, but it wasn’t their dance moves that caught my eye. It was their dress attire, or rather their lack of such. They were dressed very casually; I mean, it’s Saturday, so I’m going to throw on my runaround clothes and go do my errands attire. Oh, and I guess I will drop by the wedding reception. Yeah, that kind of attire. So, folks are grown, and do what they want to do, and it is none of my business, right? Okay, if you say so. I felt some kind of way, like, you didn’t care enough to dress to the occasion or make an attempt to try.

I for one was all for when churches began to relax their dress codes. It left the doors open for all kinds of people to come and worship, and lack of certain clothing was a roadblock for worship. Come as you are, was and is the call for the Lord’s house. Because I am of a certain age and because I am my mother’s daughter, it did not change my worship attire.

About two years ago, my granddaughter’s cheerleading league held an end-of-the-year banquet. The announcement stated clear the banquet attire was formal. My daughter said the girls were all excited to be in long gowns or dressy outfits, but some folks didn’t get the memo. They came in various forms of improper dress. She said some had on overalls. In context, this is in the Central Valley and although Stockton is a large city, there are many rural pockets of fields, farmlands, and vineyards throughout the county.

I have a friend who goes shopping for her grandchildren when there is a family event like a wedding or funeral because her son and daughter-in-law do not adhere to dress code, dressing for the occasion. She has tried to discuss with them to no avail, but she makes sure her grandkids are presentable.

I was on a group conversation on social media a few months ago and somehow the thread became about the resistance to dressing up. Most of these women are professional women who belongs to various professional groups and sororities. The comments ranged from, “I’m tired of dressing up when I go out.;” I don’t feel like getting dressed for that dinner party. I’m just going to throw on some slacks and a sweater.;” “I’m not going to that luncheon because I don’t feel like putting on any clothes.;” “Why do I have to put on some clothes to go there?” So, have folks been working by remote in their pajamas and throwing on a decent blouse or sweater for online meetings and just fell into being complacent about actually having to wear real clothes? I don’t know, and I don’t know if it is that simple.

So, is this why just last month, my daughter took me to a Mother’s Day jazz brunch and the ladies looked so nice in their spring floral dresses or pastel pants sets and elegant in classic black. We got up to get in line for the buffet and this woman had on booty-cut jean shorts and a tank top. I asked my daughter if it was a beach party or an indoor brunch? She just shook her head. I guess the woman wanted to be casual and comfortable.

That conversation made me curious if there were a lot of others who feel that way. How many folks are feeling pressed about the dictates of dress codes? Let’s face it. Life is lifing these days. We are besieged with bad news coming from all sides; budget cuts, dismantling of programs and services we rely on, crime through the roof, out of control food prices and gas prices, unaffordable drug prices, and having to live under a government of greed and corruption. Call me crazy, but these factors, for me is reason enough to look forward to a special event where one can express our sense of style and forget about our everyday problems.

At this time of year, my daughter has never-ending commitments like a white party, or yellow party or Day parties and brunches. These events are specific in attire, but there will be somebody who does not adhere to the dress code, just because they don’t want to.

Just one of the things that make you go hmmm

.